For months and months I have failed to track down the infamous tin of Nestle Cream, the original blue and white tin version, not the wannabe fake n flaky Carnation cream that is airy, puffed up and inflated almost to the point of premiership footie player status. I am talking about the thick n creamy, yet slightly odd tasting original Nestle Cream.
I watch the Tower of Nestle closely from my advantage point (across the crazy car infested street that divides the ever so quiet and tranquil Croydon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I watch the army of creamy employees climb into work, but I see no leader, I see no big chief of cream, no head poncho, no CE EEE Ohhhhh, no business captain or darling of the cream world, no, my creamy white nemeses has not showed his face!
He’s in there! I know he is! Just as Donald Trump resides at the top of Trump Towers, I know Nigel Nestle sits luxuriously in a pent house at the Tower of Nestle.
I want to see that smug white cream faced fraud and ask him what on earth has he done with the original, and still the best, Nestle Cream!! I’ve be dining on since a wee lad. 40 years man and boy I’ve tucked into Nestle Cream with apple turnovers and Kiplins pies. But over the last few years they have disappeared only to be replaced by the weak and pathetic carnation can of crap! Did Nigel think, did he seriously think we wouldn’t notice the difference? Once is delectable, thick n creamy . . . the other airy white creamy ish crap in a tin, jeepers its as plane as the cream on your pie, it ain’t the real deal Nigel!!
What is the sick and twisted girt playing at? I’ve based my diet and body shape on that stuff, he can’t take it away now! Not now, I’ve still a few years of munching cream left in me, not now! You get me addicted over 35 years of ploughing me full of cream, then just as I start the last lap of life, you take the tender tasty tins away from me! Most lunch hours as a wee ish teen, I’d cycle to Williams the bakers, grab an apple turnover, then straight into the corner shop for the delightful Nestle Cream, straight home to Baron Rd and lunch was bon app it tite!
I will wait my time, I will stalk you and your Tower of Nestle, then when you least expect it, I’ll storm your concrete creamery and wage war on you, your staff and Tower of creamy force. And If I have to take you hostage in your cream filled luxury penthouse, I bloody will, and I’ll not release you till I get the real bloody Nestle Cream!!